Eternity

I came across a comment you left on a facebook note today and now I can't stop crying. I miss you so much--there is so much I want to share with you, so much I need your help with. I remember that line in Anne of Green Gables where Anne asks Marilla if she has ever been in the "depths of despair." Marilla answers, "I never despair--to despair is to turn your back on God."

How I wish I didn't understand so deeply how right Marilla was--and how deep these depths really are.

Flabby Muscles

I haven't done any serious writing in a long, long time--and I can tell. My fingers wheeze as I thump them along the keyboard, my brain keeps saying, "Huh? What?" in puzzlement as I try to coax it into some kind of coherent thought. So sorry, fat little dumplings, I think it's time we lay off the potato chips (facebook) for a while and eat some salad. Consider these your push-ups for the day--I'll be nice and just make you do ten. Ready? And one, and two . . .

*puff, puff, puff*

Because I Can

Wow, it's been so long since I've blogged, I actually forgot for a moment how to start a new post! Well, I can't make any promises about being back and all (I am, if nothing else, fickle when it comes to writing), but I'm here today, and really, that's all anyone can hope for. To be here--today. Those close to me know I fell into a deep, dark place, but I think I'm actually climbing out now--there are moments when I can actually see light above me. I've started to laugh again. I've started to feel.

Here's to today.

Perils of NON-Facebooking

Dang it, I missed a Woot-off, as my friend Chris so gleefully pointed out via an email from his sweet wife, Sarah. He usually tells me on fb when they are happening, but I obviously didn't know about this last one. Trade-offs: peace for cheap junk? Hmm . . .

Karma, She's a . . . Well, You Know What She Is

What goes around, comes around. Only a fool thinks he can escape that little gem; too bad I know me some fools.

OCD Sucks

I have struggled with it for as long as I can remember, and though I have never officially been diagnosed and have never spoken to a professional about it, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that it's a big problem for me. It's manifested itself in various ways over the years, from counting stairs and tiles and believing that every bump I hit on the road means I ran over someone, to obsessively worrying about relationships that don't matter to me on a personal level. My brain is a hamster wheel, a squirrel worrying a nut. I have always managed to pull myself out of it--stopped counting (though I still have to resist the urge, sometimes), moved on to other obsessions--I've even had short periods of peace where I don't obsess at all. The one I'm in now is a doozy, though, and it's making me really, really sick. I can't eat, I don't sleep, and the amount of time I waste thinking about it makes me weep. Coupled with the winter blues, I am having a rough time right now--I feel like I'm drowning. I keep saying, "Okay Becky, get a grip. Replace bad habits with good ones. Sing when those imaginations begin." It usually works, after a while, but it's not really happening now. I'm a little lost.

Aren't you so happy I decided to start blogging again? ;)

On a Brighter Note

Tonight is the night for my PROGRAMS--my sittin-on-the-couch-slurping-my-potato-soup-watching-Community-The Office-30 Rock-and-Outsourced night.

Don't even THINK about calling me on the phone, 'cause I ain't answering

Change the Bloody Record

Reason 465 why I HATE SNOW and I HATE WINTER: my Zumba class will be canceled again tonight due to crappy road conditions. The Zumba class I LOVE, which is, so far, one of the only things lately that has shaken me out of the pitiful apathetic state I am in.

Blergggggghhhh . . . >:(